Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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