I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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