my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ugly people sure do ruin things
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Randomize
