He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
