I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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