did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
