I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
