Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
