I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
