you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
