i permit you to call me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
