Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
