Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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