i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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