Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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