I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
