Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
