I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
