oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
