I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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