I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
