Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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