Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
