I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
