i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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