You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
