Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
