I can text with my tongue
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
