I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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