Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yo dont text me then not text me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dicks are not precious.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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