My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
