I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
