Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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