i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
