He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
