forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
