and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
