I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
