i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
