Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
