Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
