I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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