Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
