So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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