first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
