Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
