I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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