His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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