i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
