After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
