Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
