man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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