I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
